“Editing is frustrating”, I tell myself as I procrastinate having to sit in front of a computer for hours on end. Consistently without fail though, at the end of the dayI find my jaws in pain at the end of a long stretch from the smiling as I relive the moments in what I’m currently editing.
On today’s long stretch however, at the end of it I honestly was sobbing. No, not from the frustration, in fact no feelings of frustration at all. It was the hours of having heavily edited family sessions and weddings that does a number on ones #feels. From anyone who has ever lost anyone dear to them, its that it hits you in unexpected waves. Today, I just ended up missing my Mama.
When I miss my Mama, I cope by going through our old messages on Facebook. Which leads me to the next frustrating thing: when you keep playing phone tag and the call still doesn’t end up happening.
Orrrrrr you know how on Facebook Messenger or some other messaging apps let you leave a voice recording and you never actually listen to them because you know they’ll get back to you soon enough, and for anyone that is trying to reach a grandparent, it’s usually just a relentless repetition of “hello, hello? hellooooo? hello?”, or sometimes just the background noise of what’s happening as they go on for the rest of the day forgetting, not even realizing it’s still recording.
Yet how is it right now, those voice recordings and the old ones I never cared to listen to are the very thing I come back to when I miss her.
I’m almost done with my rant because honestly, there is so much to be thankful and happy for. It’s also one of the reasons why I’m working harder than ever to capture meaningful moments for other people because the last frustrating thing is how limited my selection is of photos I have access to with her. So as the holidays approach, cherish the moments you’ve got with your loved ones. Don’t forget to capture some moments for yourself and be mindful to put the gadgets away to be emotionally present as well!
At this point, I am channeling this wave of longing to honor my grandma as she set an example of what a strong, savvy boss lady entrepreneur is! She is that lady at the yard sale that could sell you an vintage plate set and you would walk away happy feeling like you couldn’t imagine life without it anymore. She had this practical yet innovative sense and a compassion towards one’s unique style. When she formally opened up Village Art Gallery, the work she curated showcased a strong brand presence that set her apart. Today the gallery is still up and managed by her youngest daughter.
Right Photo: Prim and Proper. Left Photo: Me trying to be an old lady and Mama trying to be a Millennial.